Today was to be a special day. I was to be retired from my career in public education, and my mom was to be visiting me for several weeks to kick off this new journey. Well here I sit still working and alone in my garden. I am not complaining mind you. Disappointed that I could not retire, yes. Saddened that my mom took ill while visiting my sister in Virginia and was unable to visit, absolutely.
But I have not wallowed in my grief over the situation….why should I really. I have a good job still, and so far my mom is getting better and
may be able to visit in a few months. The only real issue has been dealing with all the abrupt changes. But what is keeping me OK with all of this, is that maybe there is a better plan coming I am just not aware of yet.
Last year at this time I was struggling with my most recent lesson surrounding patience. I have never been good at this thing called patience to the point where I hated the words,”just be patient”. But with the sudden changes that have recently shot up in my path, I have had to veer sharply into the grassy meadow waiting for a sign of which way to go now. And just when I think the new road is showing itself, I find another obstacle and another sharp turn.
So patience seems to be the operative word for now. A wait and see attitude. Not to get too caught up in the idea of retirement; what it will be or what will it look like. Frankly I wasn’t even sure what I was going to do upon my retirement. I had visions of doing nothing for a while, and working in my garden. Writing more, cleaning and clearing my surrounds.
I read recently to stop struggling to figure out what you are going to do when you have to start over. Instead just stop where you are and start from there slowly. So I did. Understand I had completely cleared out my office except for one box of desk things. After all I was one week away from leaving. But as soon as the decision was made that I would have to rescind my retirement, I threw myself quickly back into my job as if nothing had changed and without missing a step. It felt like the perfect solution.
I think this distraction of getting back to work has helped immensely. Not to mention the fact that the projects I had to start working on, had deadlines that were moved up by months and need to be completed by the end of August. So I have little time to regret, lament or even think about much except getting my job done. Of course it helped that my co-workers and boss were ecstatic that I was staying for a while.
But how long that “for a while” would be was still hanging out there. Was my postponement of retirement for a few months, was I working full time or would I move to part time. So many decisions, and so many opinions as to what would be best for me. No great hurry in deciding everyone said. But I am not one to languish over decisions especially if it would help in planning for my employer and for me. And do you know, the decision came to me this week. And it just felt right. I knew it was the perfect decision because I felt it in my gut or maybe what others call intuition. I have decided I will remain working full time for this school year and will be retiring at the end of June, 2014.
When I recently read this quote I felt inspired. I was searching for a new path and felt as if I was just standing still. But I know now I really am on the right path. I just need to hold the vision or maybe in my case clarify my vision now before retirement. Just a general idea of what I’d like my next steps to be. It was easy when I was finishing my college degree. I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted my own classroom. And everything I did was for that one purpose. And yes I eventually left the classroom to work as a school district administrator working more with teachers, but I was still teaching, still in the world of education.
But now the world is open again. I can do practically anything I want so it will take some time to wean down the list. But that list will always have education of some sort in it of that I am sure. It is part of my being, my purpose, my soul. For now, I am finishing some coursework, and will gradually be rolling out my next steps for my blog, my business, my garden and my writing as they are revealed to me in flashes of inspiration.
I am feeling ambitious and renewed. I feel like whatever decisions I make will be fruitful and lead me further along the path. I do believe that when we create our visions and put lots of our own sweat into them, somehow the right doors just seem to open. This journey was started almost 3 years ago with this blog. And it just keeps moving forward albeit not in a very straight path. And some days I feel like I am fighting mighty big odds, but you know every dream or creation came from that one idea, that vision and sweat to make it work.
I still intend to find beauty in each day. To recreate and renew my garden (once I can see it again through the weeds). After all the garden above all things fuels my imagination and my soul. Getting lost in the endless projects that need doing there, will also recharge my creative juices and give me needed peace of mind. My garden has opened so many new doors along the path, and I know it will generate many more.
Of course who knows what changes will continue on my path. If I have learned one thing it is to follow the path as it reveals itself, to take advantage of the opportunities as they present themselves, and expect those sharp turns…in fact count on them even embrace them. They may turn out to be the most fun!
“Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.” ~Buddha
Next up on the blog: I will be wrapping up July in my garden next Monday on my Gardens Eye Journal post. I hope you will join me.
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