“It sounds corny, but I’ve promised my inner child that never again will I ever abandon myself for anything or anyone else again.” ~ Wynonna Judd
I met up with Donna Marie this past year when I was out walking in my new neighborhood. It was spring and I saw lots of rocks being painted and left as gifts for friends they couldn’t play with in person anymore. It was then I heard a voice say clearly, “We could do that you know. Paint rocks. It would be fun.” And I answered, “I don’t know the first thing about how to paint rocks.” The answer from the voice was simple, “We could learn.” I wasn’t sure who I was talking to (except myself), and I was sure I wasn’t having a mental breakdown (well fairly sure). But it wasn’t until I took a course that appealed to the little girl creative in me, that I was sure I had met up with my inner child, Donna Marie.
I actually have many iterations of my inner child. All based on nicknames given to me at key times in my childhood.
There’s Donna the Digger. She’s the toddler who loved to dig holes and play in the dirt. Yes even that beautiful dress didn’t stay clean for long. I call her my early gardener.
Then as I started school, Donna Marie was born. I was called that because whenever I was in trouble my mom used my full name. I was not fond of the name until recently.
As I got to ages 9-12, I was Pussycat. An affectionate term given to me by my mom and other relatives because I have green cat eyes, and I was the type of kid who like to chill out and sit on my grandfather’s lap where he would rub my back. Or I would go fishing and amuse myself for hours. Starting to see the picture. I do feel like I am in the movie Sybil sometimes with all these different inner child personas.
Finally as I started my teen years, my dad christened me with the name, Princess. Maybe because I was asserting myself and wanted things my way. Clothes, music. And God forbid if you touched my stuff. Boy it seems I was always losing teeth later in life than most kids as I notice in these photos.
I haven’t been in touch with my inner child for decades. The inner creative child who wanted to play outside, swing, ride her bike, roll down hills, and draw, paint, color etc. She had been held in abeyance for so long I had convinced myself that I wasn’t artistic or very creative.
But she knew better. And since I invited her out to play, she has been in my ear, my heart, my very soul ever since. She even helped pick out my word of the year, DELIGHT. I believe that the death of my mom brought her out this past year finally. She was needing healing as was I, feeling like a little girl who had lost her mother. And while I still feel that loss as if I was 7 years old, it has been helpful in my healing to have her with me so I remember how to have fun in my life again.
My inner child has been with me always, I just never realized it. She was faithfully there trying to get a word in edge-wise, to be heard over the din of my ego mind. But now that I have been keeping true to my inner vital spark, she can be heard loudly.
She is why, I have loved walking in the snow and making snow angels (yes that’s me this year) again. She is why I began painting, and buying stickers and beautiful washi tape to fill my daily journal. And she is the gardener, garden designer, lover of flowers and nature and birds. She chases the butterflies and delights in all things outdoors.
And she is why I will be painting rocks soon. I promised her we would. I bought the book, I have the rocks and I have the paint and brushes. It comes down to allowing Donna Marie to guide me instead of adult Donna who will delay and procrastinate so she doesn’t have to deal with the inner critic. Thankfully, Donna Marie is louder and bolder than that critic. And when I make her a promise, I keep that promise as it is a promise to myself after all.
I’ll be highlighting my creative projects here as well as my new garden as spring arrives sometime likely in April. Can’t wait to share with you. Have you connected lately with your inner child? I strongly recommend it. You won’t be disappointed.
All the pictures shared in this post were taken with my Nikon Coolpix or iPhone camera, and manipulated on my iPhone using the apps, Pixlr and Prisma.
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